Starting over is hard. Change is hard. But, both are healthy and essential to my growth.
I moved to St. Petersburg, Florida on January 16th, 2022. It’s been 20 days since I left my parent’s house and hometown of Rocky River, Ohio.
Ever since I got a phone call offering me a job, I’ve been blessed with multiple omens from the universe/God. Examples are seeing Florida license plates in OH (and on I-75 alongside my fellow snowbirds), singing a song and hearing the exact song play moments later at a restaurant I went to, and my favorite/angel/special numbers being the same as my current office number.
I know I’m exactly where I need to be, I do. But change is hard! Starting over is HARD! I felt so settled at my parents house, and was just beginning to cultivate a beautiful yoga community and rekindle friendships from the past, but it took me 7 months.
Now I’m in a new place, new job, new climate, new social scene, new apartment, new everything, which is exciting. But it’s also so overwhelming.
Sometimes the overwhelm of new responsibilities like financial independence causes me to feel as though maybe I should have stayed home, found a job, and not changed my life. Things were really going great before I left, I felt that all of my relationships were flourishing with family and friends.
But I did this visualization meditation where I asked my mind, heart, and sexual organs: What if I choose the safer option, staying in my current situation. After asking, I attempted to breathe and felt tightness around my heart and tension in every muscle, it was physically challenging to continue to inhale.
Next, I asked my mind, heart, and sexual organs: What if I made a change, and choose the more risky, and less safe option. After asking, I felt warmth enter my body, like warm water rushing through me and relaxing every muscle, even sparking my sexual nature. After comparing the two feelings, I decided I could not stay the same, I had to make a change.
But now that I’ve made the change, I feel nostalgia for the past, especially in communities where I’ve met beautiful souls and fostered authentic relationships, like in Boulder, Colorado, and even in my hometown, where I assumed that spiritual beings didn’t exist. Yet, I attracted them and began to cultivate wonderful friendships.
I must remind myself to find joy in the present moment, and to be unconditionally grateful for the change, struggle, lessons, financial, and physical security. I’ve been listening to many talks by my spiritual mentors, like Thich Nhat Hanh, Jack Kornfield, and Ester and Jerry Hicks, who remind me to accept things as they are, be gentle and tender to my loving heart, and to trust that I am meant to be exactly where I am right NOW.
I encourage you to ask your whole self: What would it feel like to make a more safe and less risky decision? What would it feel to make a less safe and more risky decision? Notice the responses in your body, listen to it, and go forward with absolute trust in yourself and God, as both will reveal omens to you on your life journey.